Still reading my stuff? Don’t you get fed up with my confused reasoning and interminable sentences? 😮
So, where did I fail in my past integration attempt? (Click the link to refresh your memory)
0) I forgot the only valuable preliminary: Utopia does not exist.
1) As I was admitted into some Society, I took a circumspect and quite short exploratory time: wrong. It should have been a silent studious quarantine.
2) In my book, lack of participation feels like integration refusal, or just taking advantage, or even voyeurism. But it’s only my book: in certain societies, all that is called lurking, and is commonly accepted (I know why now).
3) Upon seeing around some invitation for newcomers to introduce themselves (as is customary in other societies I used to visit), I readily did just that, in my usual, spontaneous way: truly, sincerely, some might call it bluntly, stating my motives to be there and even admitting to some flaws. Double wrong: I shouldn’t have assumed I was allowed to speak and introduce myself without being invited to, and never should have admitted to my ‘wrongdoings’. I can see now, with some hindsight, that what was meant as an honest, heartfelt introduction might have been perceived as arrogance and defiance. So much for enthusiasm and spontaneity!
4) As enthusiasm and spontaneity are, alas, some of my many flaws, I didn’t wait to be ‘enlightened’ to share my own ‘substance’ & riches. Worked hard to create some pieces and offered them to the Society, as a thank you for accepting me among them and kind of a redemption for my previously admitted ‘wrongdoing’. Maybe I should have clearly stated that? My bad: obviously, it is not customary to offer some present upon arrival in this Society for nobody acknowledged the gesture. That or I just received a dose of my own medicine, which is not a way a welcoming Society should behave (sounds petty from where I stand).
5) After being subjected to that ostentatious indifference (which in the same context would be considered rude, if not an insult, in my own culture) I didn’t feel secure enough to ask some necessary questions to the only person who deigned to acknowledge my existence upon my arrival. I therefore reverted to the one communication mode I thought was innocuous enough to be accepted and appreciated: humor. Not totally wrong on that one, although I really should stop cracking (really)crappy jokes: humor is appreciated, along with subtlety, but there’s no room for crap and vulgarity. That way I can understand and readily comply to. The untamed, impenitent joker that I am just had to try and test the waters. My bad. 😉
6) I usually state my mind in a clear, direct, sometimes forceful way, and I can’t see how this way of mine is wrong. Or does it just come out as an aggressive behavior?
7) After a few-weeks-long stand-back-and-lurk episode (I really tried to do it that way, but couldn’t keep it too long), I started participating again, though I might have chosen another occasion to do it. Then I made another offering and some cultural sharing and not-so-crappy jokes that seemed to please some of the Society members. And then, a WWI Armistice day of all days, something happened in the Society that I’m certain made many members uneasy and weary. Heck, even I was weary…for a little while!
8) After that unsettling episode, I should have stayed put and gone back to lurkdom, but I really could not do that. I had unfinished sharing and socializing to do. It’s not in my nature to quit before having tried long and hard. I might have been perceived as being insistent, annoying, or even harassing, though none was intended. Perseverance must be inconspicuous or not at all.
9) Neither is in my nature to hear merely-veiled insinuations or non targeted denunciations without reacting. Directly and forcefully, as usual: a bully I was, apparently (for reacting to a perceived aggression!), so I subsequently took a much necessary (for everyone) leave from that not so hospitable place.
Since then, I mainly lurk there, except when I feel like sharing a little inoffensive thing or two. I do not joke much anymore, they don’t seem to like my brand of humor. 😦
This personal failure assessment is just my way of stating that some particular errors are hardly, if at all tolerated and can be seriously damaging to the whole integration process in certain societies.
It appears I made a bunch if not all of them. At least, I’m thorough. Through and through. 😛